Wednesday, June 29, 2005
I hope you dance
"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance.
Never settle for the path of least resistance.
Living might mean taking chances but their worth taking.
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making."
Cliche' as it may be, Ella-bear, this song makes me think of you. It was destined to be so, I believe. You see, on a warm July morning in Washington I drove to see my doctor, so that she could confirm for me what I already knew: that you were to come into my life. I can still see the trees on either side of the car as I turned the wheel to the right, driving down that hill. This song came on the radio. It was the first time I had heard it, and I took it as a sign. These were my first motherly thoughts for my brand-new baby.
And I have every faith in you that you will dance through your entire life, inspiring all who meet you. You are a butterfly, gracing each flower with your delicate touch. You are a gentle breeze on a warm day. You are a rainbow, magical and amazing. I hope that when you hear this song, you will think of me, and take these words to heart. For these where my very first wishes for you.
"And when you get the choice to sit it or dance...
I hope you dance."
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Taking a break
Here's my kiddos taking a break from the wave pool. Click the picture to see more photos from our trip.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Pass the aloe
Did I forget to mention my stupidity? (Of course I did!) Upon arriving at Water World on Saturday I sat my family down with a large bottle of sunblock and started slathering. Bubblehead and I proceeded to cover every square inch of our children, and then while I was finishing up I sent Bubblehead off to get a locker to lock up our valuables. (No, not the children.)
Bubblehead decided to take his chances with the sun, because he is darker than I am, and has had much exposure to the sun already this summer, he didn't bother with any sunscreen at all. (Nutcase that he is.) I, on the other hand, am about as white as they come, and I have learned the hard way over the years that this white girl was just meant to be white. There will be no gorgeous glowing tans for me, so I've stopped trying. I covered myself with the same SPF 2000 that my kids got, and was very careful, because on my list of the last things I need, a suburn is #27. When Bubblehead arrived back I even had him dab the part in my hair with sunscreen. Off we went.
Did you happen to catch what I forgot?... Yeah, me either. Until later that night when I was trying on outfits at a Fort Collins retail store and caught a glimpse of my back as I pulled my shirt up over my head. Oops!
I remembered the PART IN MY HAIR and forgot about my back. Lovely, Christine. At least I saved my babies from the pain and suffering that is sunburn.
I'm in pain! Bubblehead is at work, and Gabriella wouldn't dream of getting goo on her hands! Can anyone get my back for me?
And for those of you who may have wondered: No, Bubblehead did not get burned. He spent 4.5 hours in the sun with the rest of us and is sporting a lovely, dark tan with not an inch of redness. I hate him.
Don't you just hate it when you take a little vacation and come home to mountains of laundry and other things to do? I swear I need a vacation just to help me get over the vacation! I have so much to do, but first on my list is updating my poor neglected blog!
I will have pictures to share a little later on. The kids had so much fun at Water World, and Bubblehead and I had our share as well. I also got a little shopping in, and collected a few more new books.
For now I'll leave you with the best comments heard while we were away:
- Gabriella to her daddy: "Did you enjoy your wedgy?"
- Our waitress to me: "Your family is so cute!"
- Gabriella singing to herself while riding in the car: "B is for busted, my kind of car!"
Happy Monday everyone!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Another post in my continuing series on my PPD
I realize this is old news, but I feel compelled to talk about it now.
Tom Cruise recently scolded Brook Shields for using Paxil to help her fight post partum depression, saying that drugs are dangerous and she should have used vitamins to help her get over it.
You smug little egotistical man! First off, I'd like to know what you base your opinion on, seeing as you cannot and have not ever been pregnant, therefore gone through the hormonal rage that happens when you carry and child and give birth. In fact your own children are adopted. Have you ever read what happens to a woman's body during and after pregnancy? Look it up when you have some time, because I assure you, the list is long.
Secondly, what gives you the right to judge another person on something so personal? There is a stigma attached to depression, and taking medication to treat it, and you Sir, are not helping. When I first realized I was depressed and needed help, the thought of taking medication for it never even entered my mind. Thanks to some good friends sharing their experiences with me, I realized there was nothing wrong with taking medication to help you feel better. Hormonal imbalance and depression are based in science and medicine - not in a woman's head. We need to eliminate the stigma so that more woman will seek help. We don't need any more children drowned at their mother's hand because she had no where to turn.
And thirdly, I will have you know that I took and continue to take vitamins. Wonderful little things that they are, they are not the cure-all that you would like them to be. Yes drugs can be dangerous. They can also be life-saving. If you choose to believe that drugs are not the answer, that is fine and dandy with me, but you can not push your beliefs onto others.
Being a mother in the best of circumstances is difficult. Add to that feeling sad, hopeless, frustrated, lacking in energy and motivation, and it's a struggle just to feed your children and put them to bed. I'm tired of motherhood being looked on as typical and every-day. Name one other profession that is more important or more difficult - I dare you! Mothers, whether they are working mothers or stay-at-home mothers, whether they are married or single, need support and resources. It's time to recognize how difficult it is. It's time we raise motherhood up on the pedestal it deserves to be on. I'm not saying we should be worshipped and tiptoed around, but for starters I'd like to see an option for mother on forms asking for occupation! I'm not a housewife, or a homemaker! If I didn't have children at home to raise I certainly wouldn't be sitting around worring about how sparkling-clean my sink is! I'd be working! This is my job - I'm a mother.
Tom Cruise, I suggest you restrict your comments to over-priced Hollywood movie-making, and leave motherhood to those who know.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I wanted to write to each of you individually and thank you for your wonderful comments to me yesterday, but I just can't find the time to do it. I was just overwhelmed by all of your kind words - what a wonderful bunch of blog friends I have! Thank you all!!
I'm feeling better today. Bubblehead came home and took over the kids for me so I could lay around and read. That, and a few lovely phone calls of concern (Thanks Mom and Buffi!!) and a good night's sleep, and I'm back to my not-so moody self.
So now I have the house to catch up with, and all of your blogs, plus we are preparing for a little trip this weekend.
You mean I haven't mentioned that we are going here this weekend? I'm so excited! We're taking the kids for a fun day at the water park, and I'm also going to get a little shopping in as well!
Monday, June 20, 2005
No post today
I went to bed with high hopes of once again getting my house in order after being gone for a little while, and woke up in the worst of moods. I'm down in the dumps and can't pull myself out. (Damned depression - just when you least expect it...)
Life is feeling hopeless today. Meaningless. All my energy is going into to faking it for the kids' sake.
I've got nothing left to give today. I want to curl up and forget - lose myself in a book. Maybe after naps I'll have a renewed spirit.
What do you do to cheer yourself up when nothing seems to work?
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Today is our twelveth anniversary. I don't feel old enough to be married twelve years. (Although the truth is I barely am.) We are getting very close to the point where I have been with him for half of my life. I can't imagine life without him.
So twelve years ago today was filled with the typical wedding prep kind of stuff. There was some pounding of my hairbrush against the countertop, as was typical of me in my younger days when my hair wasn't just so. There were tears and nerves, and lots of smiles.
But we didn't spend the entire day doing the traditional wedding day things. We spent the morning... are you ready for this?... together! (the crowd gasps in horror!) Yes, we hung out together the morning before our wedding. We took some friends to the local museum, and then went out to lunch, just as if it were any ordinary day. We sat around eating burritos and chatting as if our entire lives weren't about to change forever. Typical teenagers - they don't take anything seriously!
Actually this is a bit surprising seeing as I am a little superstitous. We look back on it now and think it a funny way to spend your wedding day. But that's us I guess.
I still remember years and years ago when we were living in Georgia he and I walked into a video store one afternoon to rent some movies. As we walked in the girl behind the counter said to us, "You two just look like you belong together." To this day, it's one of the best compliments I've gotten.
Happy Anniversary Bubblehead - I love you 8!
To all you dads
and especially mine, Happy Father's Day! Father's Day is being over-shadowed today (on my blog) by my anniversary. I will point you in the direction of a wonderful blog here, to give proper recognition to this holiday.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
In honor of tomorrow
Things I love about my darling husband (in no particular order)
- He loves me
- He is so much more than I deserve
- He is the greatest father
- He is smart
- He knows how to push all my buttons
- He is an excellent musician
- He loves his country
- He has a wonderful (rare) work ethic
- He plays all my games
- He is a great cook
- He always seems to find a way to get me the things I really want
- He knows all my favorite movie quotes
- He passed his eyes and his curls onto our daughter
- He passed his sense of humor and his courage on to our son
- He seeds my watermelon for me
- He blesses each and every one of my sneezes - even when I sneeze 9 times in a row
- He doesn't worry
- He scoops my ice cream for me
- He makes me laugh
- He loves the outdoors
- He is confident
- He doesn't mind that I am in love with Jude Law
- He changes diapers
- He knows just how to make my tea
- He loves his family
- He loves my family
- He humors me
- He's been there for me for 14 years
- He thinks I'm beautiful
- He is a good friend
- He is ambitious
- He doesn't pretend to understand me when he doesn't
- He thinks I'm sexy
- He took me across the country twice, and then brought me back home
- He puts me before himself
- His 90/10 rule
- He introduced me to my three favorite bands
- And took me to their concerts
- He has stuck by me through my depression
- He never saw any other option
- He gave me her
- He gave me him
- He makes *the* best cookies
- He's grounded
- He agrees with me*
- He is patriotic
- He knows me
- He isn't fake
- He lets me win
- He's mine
*on the big, important issues
Thursday, June 16, 2005
The Sound of Muzik
My good friend Muzikdude has posted an interview with me today - go here and read it!
Thanks John - I didn't have anything to blog about today.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
"Shave the Beard" campaign update
I have made minimal progress in this venture. Bubblehead now has a goatee, rather than a whole face covered with hair. Progress, yes, but it's still scratchy against my delicate face.
Last night he joked with me that he believes the facial hair has stopped his snoring (he knows how much I hate the snoring), and if he were to shave it off he's sure the snoring would return in full force.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Gabriella's quip du jour
"Alex found a ladybug behind my closet door and he brought it into my room and there is was all nice and dead."
Sunday, June 12, 2005
It's official - I have a crush!
You may remember a few months back I had a private meeting with him. (Not to worry - I'm completely open about this to Bubblehead.) The movie was just okay, but he is a charmer - I'll give him that.
Last night I saw him again - after all this time, and he won me over. I can resist his good looks and charming ways no longer.
(Yes, I know he smokes - but I feel certain he will give that up for me. *wink*)
Photos courtesy of http://brilliance.nu/
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Requested photos, round 5
For my good friend Garnie, here is where I sit and watch Days. (Or anything else I might be watching for that matter.)
And for the always lovely Ms. Mac, here is a shot of my front door. (Exciting stuff, I know!)
Friday, June 10, 2005
Blogging from the bathroom (consider yourself warned)
Yes, you read that right. Thank goodness for wireless, because it looks like I may be spending my entire day in here.
No, I'm feeling fine, thanks for asking. ;)
I've got a little one who has started potty training. Good news, I know. I can't tell you what a genius I think this boy is for being so successful this early in life considering the potty training nightmare I've gone through with his sister. The first time he used the potty I called every member of my family and babbled incoherently about my son going tinkle. I know this may not sound like much, but trust me, for a parent, especially a certified potty training failure like myself, this is akin to winning a Grammy. I may just bronze that potty chair and put in on my mantle.
I've also got myself a little girl who is constipated. This is an on-going problem for her, and the root of said potty training failure. So in order to avoid further pain and torture for us all, she is going to spend extended periods of time on the potty today, which means I'm parked here on the bathroom floor reading books and generally entertaining two half-naked children. (Little Man thinks this is great fun, and has joined his sister by sitting on the potty chair.)
I seem to recall having some sort of a life at one point. Friends, social engagements, working... Hopping in my cute little car to enjoy a day in the city. Look how far I've come!
I love you, you know!
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Daddy!
Happy Birthday to you!!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
The right choice
Have you seen the new Wendy's commercial? As a general rule I hate commercials - I can't believe that marketing "experts" think these stupid ads are going to reach out to us and make us want to buy whatever they are selling.
But this one I like. (Not for any reason associated with Wendy's, though.)
A drawer full of T-shirts, with one that says "wear this one".
A car with a sticker that says "the right car".
A paint swatch card with the word "yes" on one of the colors.
I wish life could be like this! I'd love to open the yellow pages up to preschools and find the answer plainly in front of me. I'd really like to walk up to the parenting section of the bookstore and find a nice big note on a potty-training book that says "do it this way". It would make my day to go into the grocery store and come out with even just one item that guarentees my kids will eat it.
Do you know how much money I've wasted on sippy cups? I've bought just about every sippy cup on the market trying to find just the right one - one my kids have an easy time with, that doesn't resemble a baby bottle, but doesn't leak when turned upside-down and shaken vigorously. Why can't they just tell you on the package "This sippy cup will actually make quite a mess, and your kids won't like it."
"Don't buy that car!"
"Take this job"
"You might not want to leave your car parked on the street here, even though it's locked."
"Don't trust this guy"
"The price of gas is cheaper 20 miles down the road"
"Play these lottery numbers"
No, life could never be this easy, could it. I know we need to struggle, make our own decisions - and mistakes. It builds character, right? I think my character is pretty alright. I'm not perfect, but I'm working on it, which is all any of us can do. Wouldn't it be nice if just once in a blue moon, something was as easy as this?
What if it was. What would your sign say?
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Requested photos, round 4
I am combining these two requests because they go together so well. First, Mrs. Mogul asked to see my kitchen. It certainly isn't exciting - we are renting this house and the kitchen is tiny! I've had to put half my things in storage. And unfortunately I know this doesn't help you with what color to paint yours, but may I suggest terra-cotta.
Jazzy asked to see where I like to blog. As you can see by the kitchen photo, my laptop has a semi-permanent home on the counter, so I can keep up with things while I go about my day. When I sit and blog, however, it's most often either at the kitchen table, or on the desktop, which has a home in front of a window overlooking the backyard. (Admittedly, though, because of the laptop and the wireless, I blog from just about anywhere I feel like sitting - the couch, the back patio, and in bed are also popular spots.)
Monday, June 06, 2005
Thoughts from the outdoors
- Being here in our beautiful new town at the base of the Wind River Mountains, we've been enjoying the outdoors quite a bit. We have been up the mountain twice in the last week to throw rocks in the river. (The second time we cooked and ate dinner while we were at it.) The 5-10 minute drive sure makes it easy to "get out there".
- We have decided to take the kids on an overnight camp-out this weekend. We'll keep our fingers crossed for good weather - we've been getting a lot of wind and rain lately. (Who ever said that the wind doesn't blow as much here as it did in our last hometown is WRONG - sorry, but it's true.)
- We just got done watching this special. Lots of really creative ideas for cooking on the trail. And now I am planning on roasting bananas soaked in rum over the campfire - I'll leave the marshmellows for the little ones.
- Upcoming posts include more of your requested photographs from the Mommy Matter's household, memories of our Navy days, and the road we took to the sun.
"Shave the Beard" campaign of 2005
So Bubblehead has decided to stop shaving. He has decided that it would be a good idea to sport a beard for the summer, perhaps to display his manliness associated with his upcoming trip. (He and my dad will be hiking to the top of Gannett Peak next month.)
Now it's his face, and I've told him that of course he can do as he wishes, but all the same, I have let him know in no uncertain terms that I don't like the beard. It's rough on my skin when we cuddle. It takes all the fun out of kissing him. (Well, not all the fun.) It doesn't look good with his new military-style (read very very short) haircut. He has such a nice face - why cover it up with hair? And during the hottest months of the year!
So I am starting a friendly campaign here to encourage him to shave it off! In the sidebar you'll see a counter as to when this campaign began. (I have predated it for the beginning of the month - I don't remember when he stopped shaving, but I've been on him for a least a week to shave.) He has told me he might shave it off for his birthday (August 14th people!) Let's see if we can make it happen sooner. ;)
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Gabriella's quip du jour
Gabriella: "I'm wearing all green today. I'm acting like Minty!"
Gabriella: "And Alex is acting like Wysteria!"
Me: "I see. And what about me?"
Gabriella: "You're acting like a crazy lady!"
I swear I don't know where she gets this stuff.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Truck on over...
One of my blog friends, Trucker Bob, has kindly asked me to be one of his regular guest writers for Guest Writer Friday at Over The Road. Today is my debut, so be sure to stop by and read what I have to say over there, and let him know what a wonderful site he has! (And what great taste he has in guest bloggers! *wink*)
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Gabriella, upon seeing two little boys riding their bikes down the road.
"Those little boys are cute. (screams) Hello, boys!"
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Two years ago today...
I sat up in the night, breathing, pacing, wondering if this would finally be the day I would meet you. Earlier your Daddy and sister and I had gone out. I chose a rocking chair for your nursery. I got my hair cut. We went out to eat. All the while I felt you wanting out.
In the morning, your grandparents arrived. They sat at the table and colored with Ella. Your Daddy took me walking in the neighborhood. It was a beautiful late spring day - the first of June. No better day to have a baby boy.
I actually watched you being born - something I wasn't ready to do when Ella was born. It was amazing - watching you come into the world as I worked so hard to make it happen. The doctor was worried about you getting enough oxygen, but I was able to hold you for a moment, and kiss your little head.
Five-o-five pm. No better time to have a baby boy. The doctor's job done, you wrapped in your new cocoon of blankets, your Daddy went to find me something to eat. There we were - just you and me. I fed you for the first time, and sang to you. ('Happy Birthday', and 'The Moment I Saw You'.) I will remember that moment for all of my life.
People always tell you that having a child changes your life, but I think you changed my life even more than Ella did. I thought having a second would be a piece of cake, but it was difficult on me. You suffered though six months of reflux. You cried and cried. You wouldn't eat. And yet through it all you were healthy, and gained weight incredibly well. Always strong, always growing.
And now here you are - so rough-and-tumble. Throwing things, not out of anger or frustration but out of sheer joy. Screaming to hear your own voice, excitement on every inch of your tiny face.
You started climbing before you started walking. (Your Daddy and Grandpa couldn't be prouder.) You are so loving and sweet. You are Ella's shadow - the Max to her Ruby, the Boots to her Dora.
She loves you so much. She will scream out in horror "My brother!" when you are hurt. She works very hard at making you happy when you cry. She checks me to be sure that what she gets, you get too.
I see you melt your Daddy's heart daily. You are his little guy, and he aims to teach you everything he knows. I watched you just this evening playing in the back yard. You ran around grinning, he chased you. Your shorts fell down around your ankles and you pointed to them, looking worried. Daddy rescued you and pulled them back up. You threw yourself against his leg in an appreciative hug, and were off running again. Daddy the hero.
As for me, well... my feelings for you Son, can not be put into words. The moment I first looked into your eyes I felt you were an "old soul", and I knew you would teach me just as much as I would teach you. We learn from each other every day. I look at you and am instantly happy. My resolve to make you sleep in your own bed melts away when you climb into bed with me and snuggle in with that smile on your face. I want you to experience everything. I want to protect you from everything. I am so lucky just because you are mine.
And so today you are two. (Coincidently, you just learned to say two.) Two years ago today. It seems like forever ago and yesterday all at once. A true blessing is what you are to me, and to anyone who meets you. Alexander the Great you are. It is no accident we gave you such a strong, handsome name - it fits you perfectly.
I am so proud of you. I am so in love with you. No better boy to have than you.
Where did you come from, baby dear?
Out of the everywhere into here.
Where did you get your eyes so blue?
Out of the sky as I came through.
What makes the light in them sparkle and spin?
Some of the starry spikes left in.
Where did you get that little tear?
I found it waiting when I got here.
What makes your forehead so smooth and high?
A soft hand stroked it as I went by.
What makes your cheek like a warm white rose?
I saw something better than anyone knows.
Whence that three-cornered smile of bliss?
Three angels gave me at once a kiss.
Where did you get this pearly ear?
God spoke, and it came out to hear.
Where did you get those arms and hands?
Love made itself into hooks and bands.
Feet, whence did you come, your darling things?
From the same box as the cherubs' wings.
How did they all just come to be you?
God thought about me, and so I grew.
But how did you come to us, you dear?
God thought about you, and so I am here."