I secretly enjoy watching Little House on the Prairie. I don't watch it so much anymore, but I remember a time (not too many years ago) that I caught the reruns everyday. I've always been a little facinated with life a century (or so) ago. It's such a sweet show - wholesome and without pretense. There's always that lesson to be taken from each episode.
My favorite character without a doubt is Caroline Ingalls. I find her sweet voice and motherly ways soothing. It took me a little while to pin down what it was, but now I know that it's because she reminds me a bit of my own mother; tall and slender, strong but soft, hard working, never complains, loving to no end.
In my mind this is what a mother should be. I am not these things. (Well, maybe tall and slenderish.) Okay yes, I am endlessly loving. I pretend to be strong, but am not always. I complain - a lot. And I use to be hard working, but I'm too chronically tired now, and laziness has set in.
I daydream of being more like I use to be. Why can't I make that happen? I'll tell you why. Because you can't take a non-mother, throw in a couple of children, and get a non-mother with children. Remember the whole physical reaction vs. chemical reaction lesson from 7th grade science class? Adding children always results in a chemical reaction.
Don't misunderstand, I want to be a mother. I just wish I could get out of my rut and be a mother who has more of those Ma Ingalls qualities.
I guess I can always show my kids reruns of Roseanne. It won't change me, but they will think I am a wonderful mother by comparison.
