Sunday, December 26, 2004

The war unending

The battlefield is strewn with the wounded. There are many, but fortunately, so far, I am not one of them. The battle always seems to go the same way....

I generally choose an early morning attack, hoping that my enemy will not be expecting me. I shoot down many, and take them prisoner. I single-handedly take them to a torture chamber where I send them through "the machine". I purposely do not immediately return to the battlefield, but instead I lay low and out of sight, leaving my prisoners with time to simmer. I return to them only once to administer an oppressing heat in hopes they will surrender before taking them back to the front lines. I always think I have them where I want them and that I am gaining ground, but as I concure my enemy they only expand in numbers overwhelming to me. How am I to keep up? There are so many of them, and but one of me.

My enemy grows daily, hiding in dark corners. Sometimes Spiral comes to my aid, kicking them back when they encroach on our space, but rarely does he go into battle with me. My children understand little of this hideous war that is endlessly waged in our household, and unknowingly fuel the fire.

The fight began long, long ago, and is ceaseless. Many times I have won the battle, only to find that the next is looming around the corner. Of late however, I am beaten, trampled upon, and left injured and confused, nursing my wounds. My entire family suffers from my defeat. Sadly it is mine alone, as they all have their own responsibilities. I accept this, and hang my head in shame for how I have let them down.

Sadly there is no "happy ending" to my narrative. Lack of motivation and energy (both of which are crucial when going to battle) are just two ways my depression manifests itself. In the coming year perhaps (and this is in no way a "New Year's resolution") I will find the motivation and strength I need to continue in battle, and again win. I will try to organize a battle plan, recruit more help, and find a better war chant than I hate laundry!!. For most it is an annoying daily chore. For me it is an overwhelming task that I dread with every ounce of dread I can muster.
Name: Christine
Location: Wyoming, United States
I'm the Mom of two. They drive me crazy. I love them dearly. I want one more. I'm not insane, yet. My hubby says I'm a snob with an inferiority complex. There is more to me than being a mother. I just don't remember any of it.

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