I wanted to write an update to my post last month regarding my depression. I saw my doctor resently, and I'm sticking with the meds - at least for now, with a few minor adjustments to the dosage. I've been assure that it is completely safe to take forever if need be.
I also wanted to say that I'm okay with needing the medication. If I take it for the rest of my life, that's okay. I always assumed that postpartum depression would have an end. But that isn't always the case. Pregnancy changes so many things. It isn't just about the stretching of muscles and relaxing of joints. It can throw your hormones out of wack, and in some, it just never is the same.
So I don't want anyone out there (especially mothers) to think that there is anything wrong with needing some help. The moody, frustrated, lazy, irritable person that I am without the medication is not me. The medication helps me to be the real me.
I wear glasses. (Well, contacts most of the time.) My eyesight is terrible. I certainly don't feel ashamed because I need glasses to see. I have a niece who is diabetic. She requires shots of insulin every day. She doesn't feel ashamed of that. Needing a medication to help me be, well... me, isn't any different. I'm not ashamed of that. And if I need that for the rest of my life, that's okay.
Being a mother is difficult, especially today, when mothers feel like they should be able to raise their children, care for their homes, juggle jobs and volunteer work, all of their family's activities and a social life, all with the skill of Martha Stewart and the grace of June Cleaver. There are a lot of pressures on us. If you are struggling, and feeling overwhelmed, it is okay to need help. You should be able to enjoy your children. They deserve that, and so do you.
I don't enjoy being a mother without the medication. And so I will take it. Because I won't look back on my life and feel pride that I got through it without the help of medication. I will, however, look back with pride and satisfaction that I was able to enjoy every (okay, almost every) moment of my children's lives - that I spent time painting and playing tag, and cuddling them, instead of hiding away feeling sad, even if I needed a little pill to help me do that.
