My parents came by today to give me the best present anyone has ever given me - they took my kids away! For the entire week!
I have a LONG list of things I want to do around here, which I will get started on right after I'm done running around giggling hysterically. I can't remember the last time I had this much freedom!
I'm going to get my house all clean and organized. I'm going to finish reading the book I started two weeks ago. I'm going to bake and cook and fill my freezer with yummy things to eat while we watch the leaves turn. I'm going to watch lots of movies, and sleep in! Oh, and please let me know if my music gets too loud, because I do plan on cranking it up! It's going to be WONDERFUL!!!
*sniff sniff* I miss them.
"Grandma, when was the last time you cleaned this place?" Labels: quips
Big news! Confessions of Super Mom has now been released! Go order your copy today!
Melanie, a blogging friend of mine, has written a wonderful, creative book about Birdie, a mother who attains mysterious super powers after attacking an unusual and stubborn stain on her bathroom floor. (Want a sneek peek? You can read the first chapter here.)
I for one can not wait to read it. Let's face it, as a stay-at-home mother of two tiny Need Machines, my only escape is in my books, and this one promises a humorous, fun escape from finger paints and fruit snacks. (And perhaps some of Birdie's mysterious powers will rub off onto me! ;)
Congratulations Melanie!!! I'm already looking forward to the sequel!
Attention all units, we have two sick children in the Mommy Matters household. Repeat, two sick children. Send all available alphabete soup and children's Tylenol immediately. Extra cuddling needed as soon as possible, and a long nap for mommy!
Do you copy?
Uhhh, hello?
In an effort to take better care of myself, I have a liter-sized water bottle that I keep filled. I try to drink two a day, besides my usual 2-3 cups of tea, and the occasional pop.
There is nothing special about this bottle. It's just a TyNant bottle that I refill. And yet my family can't seem to leave it alone.
"Iaa soooommmmme!" Little Man says every time he sees it.
"Can I have some of yours?" Ella asks after I offer her her own bottle.
Bubblehead walks by and swigs off of it.
I have told the kids no, this is Mommy's water, and they are welcome to their own. I have explained to Bubblehead that I use the bottle to gauge how much water I drink every day, and when he drinks from it it throws me off. I thought that would be enough.
Last night he drank out of it, and then refilled what he had drank.
Why is it so hard to have something that is all mine? Just mine to share with no one? I have to share everything else - just give me this bottle of water, okay? It's not about the bottle, it's the principle. Let me have this one thing!!
It happened. It was bound to, with all the "Mama, Mama, Mama", and "MOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYY!!!" going on around here all the time.
I can no longer be called Mommy (or any form thereof), as it is now officially worn out. I guess they will just have to call me something else.
I'm thinking "Your Highness"
If you've been reading my last week of posts then of course I hope you've realized it was all for fun. The kids and I did just fine. We are, however, just as happy to see Bubblehead home as if all of that were true. I still feel ready for a vacation! (And maybe I'll take Jack with me, anyway!)
I couldn't updated yesterday because a PDA battery will only last so long. I spent the rest of the day in the closet with Jack, weeping quietly.
We got some rain yesterday evening, and it washed away the heat, as well as my fear. I slept with the windows open, letting the cool breeze come in and refresh the entire house. Today the sun is shining, and air is still cool. It would be the perfect day to sit with a good book and a hot cup of tea, if only I wasn't LOCKED IN THIS CLOSET WITH JACK THE KICKBALL!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
But there is hope. Bubblehead returns tonight. And then I will start planning my vacation. Just me - and Jack. ;)
I'm so tired. I can't sleep - they can't get me if I don't sleep.
Jack says I must stay awake.
I lost half the Care Bears in a surprise attack. I willingly gave up Thomas, Percy and Gordon just to stop the shrieking.
"I wanna be a Care Bear, or it would be so great to be a Care Bear, oh I can hardly wait to be a Care Bear..."
Stop the voices!!!
Someone - please help Jack and me!
Bring two dozen cookies, and some pink cotton candy, and place it by the back door. That should buy me some time until Bubblehead gets back.
Oh yeah, and Jack would like some waffles.
This has got to be the "funniest" slogan I've seen in a long time."Have a happy period"
HHHHHAAAAAA HHHHHHHHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Maybe Hallmark should jump on board with this.
It's going to be a rough night. I'm staying awake lest they try a sneak attack. Now I think I'm beginning to hallucinate from lack of sleep.
I was able to calm them down and let me out of the closet only after promising cotton candy for dinner, and an 11:30pm bedtime.
When we called Bubblehead to say goodnight I told him what they are doing to me, but they denied it flat out to him, and I don't think he believes me. He told me to just put them to bed. (He underestimates their power and strength!)
Once they were asleep I began on my plan of defense. I have stock-piled the Care Bears, and will hold them for randsom (the cookies that are fueling their power trip.) To get Little Man's attention I have Thomas, Percy, and Gordon, and will only release them in exchange for a 2 hour nap.
I am stocking a few items in the closet, and have decided to make that my base of operation. I've befriended Jack, a red kick ball, (who I think is a distant cousin of Wilson). Jack says I should just sit quietly and try not to attract attention to myself, or I may find myself being kicked around the backyard. He also said something about waffles, Barney, and the Red Sea. Maybe it's the delirium, but he seems to know what he's talking about.
So I'll just sit here in the closet with Jack and wait for them to wake up.
Uh, what was that?!?!
Things took a turn for the worse when I insisted on eating leftovers for lunch. I tried to hold my ground, but I must admit I was a bit afraid of them, and shaken from their sudden change in behavior.
They pelted me with Mega Blocks, and I retreated to the living room, where they worked together to shut me in the closet. Here I sit. They feasted on fruit snacks and goldfish crackers (I think they are saving those cookies for dinner.) Amazingly they decided a nap was in order, but slept in shifts to keep their eye on me.
Unfortunately Bubblehead has the cell phone with him, so I have no way to call for help. I happened to have my PDA on me, which is how I am able to blog in a dark closet.
They just brought me a can of carrots and some dry rice. I suppose this is my meal ration for the day.
When I hear quiet, I will attempt my escape.
They tried to tie me up with a yo-yo this morning while I slept. Luckily string and the knots of a four-year-old are no match for me.
They systematically set up the entire obstical course I made them put away last night. I've got a scrape and two stubbed toes. They can smell the blood, and know I am weak.
The dogs looked at me with pitty when I fed them this morning. I think they may know what's going on, but they aren't talking either.
I found the cordless phone unplugged last night, and the battery dead. Was this an accident, or part of their plan?
Shhhhh...
So far everything is okay, but forgive me if I whisper - I don't want to attract too much attention from them.
Last night they engaged in several hours of torturing me with requests demands for more juice, a different show, one more book, as well a refusing to pick up their toys. They are starting to wear me down.
I kept them busy this morning, and baked cookies in case bribes are needed. Right now they are working on an intricate obstical course of toys through-out the house in order to cause me injury. I must stay alert.
I will check back in later. Wish me luck.
Okay, I'm starting to get scared. Has anyone seen this sort of behavior before? I'm not sure what to do:
They very inoscently asked to do watercolors after breakfast, so I got out the paints and paper for them. As I am cleaning the kitchen they begin to paint themselves. Before I can stop them they look like little aborigines. (Keep in mind Little Man is potty training, and therefore naked as a jaybird. He is in full-body war paint.) They begin to dance around the kitchen and chant Wiggles lyrics.
I've got the situation under control now, but they are talking to each other in code now, and I don't know what to expect next.
I was planning on taking them outside later, but I'm a little concerned. I will keep my house key on me - just in case.
I have to thank you all for the good advice. I have hidden the duct tape, scissors, and knives, and recalling a recent post by Busy Mom, I have stocked up on bourbon Benadryl, just in case.
I think they are trying to catch my off-guard. They let me sleep until after 8:00 this morning, and were very good while I was in the shower. Ella even ate the breakfast I made (which was a new recipe I was trying - she isn't usually open to new things, so I find this suspicious.)
I still hear whispering, and Little Man gave me an evil grin while I was mopping the floor earlier. There is something going on here....
Bubblehead gets to go away for a few days on business. Because he happens to work in an industry that he loves, while he will be working during this time he will also be having fun, seeing all the latest innovations and probably getting free samples and great deals on products. Ohhhh, poor baby!
Meanwhile I have heard the kids conspiring. They were in Little Man's room late last night plotting something. They are being pretty tight-lipped, but I did hear the words "strategy", "helpless", and "prisoner". I could have sworn I heard Little Man say "she won't know what hit her." But that couldn't be, could it? He can barely say "I want some".
Should I be worried?
Bubblehead has started a series of posts on his Navy experience. First up is a view into what Navy boot camp is really like.
I was talking with Buffi yesterday about the highs and lows of potty training Little Man. (In case you haven't been here long, I have gone through a slow, torturous hell potty training my daughter, and really dread the entire process. Little Man is starting out fairly well, so we are cautiously optimistic he can achieve full potty training before he gets married. The jury is still out on Ella.)
That's when I came up with my brilliant idea - Potty Training Summer Camp!
How's this for a deal: You send your 2-4 year old off to summer camp for X number of days (or weeks - whatever it takes) and when they come home they are fully potty trained!
I would gladly and without a second thought pay thousands of dollars for this service.
I'm sorry - I'm really trying to come up with something to keep this blog going, but I'm tapped. I've got several "works in progress", but I'm just not happy enough with them to post, and not inspired enough to fine-tune them.
So let me just tell you a little bit about our camping trip. We went to the Uintah Mountains for Bubblehead's family reunion. Our kids had a blast with their cousins. I got to enjoy his mother's wonderful cooking. Bubblehead and I went for several rides around the hillsides on his dad's 4-wheeler. I got a sunburn. (Again.) And I've decided I really don't enjoy sleeping in a tent.
Here are some pictures I took while we were there: (click to enlarge)
This moose is playing shy with us through the trees.
Just a pretty aspen grove
Have you ever seen a Mormon cricket? These things are disgusting! They are huge, and they make a horrible screetching noise right before you squish them with a 4-wheeler!
"It's a good thing there's an Ella!" Labels: quips
