Mommy Matters: Not for the squeamish

Friday, November 12, 2004

Not for the squeamish

I'm going to admit to you my worst failure (so far) as a mother. This is the biggest frustration in my life. My daughter and I stand on opposing sides - it has become a full-out battle. I dug my heals in. I really tried to keep it from coming to this, but she insisted, and she dragged me with her. We are on opposite sides of the doorway, and neither of us will budge one more inch.

It is the bathroom door of which I'm speaking, of course. Potty training. (Or potty "teaching", if that term sits better with you.) I really don't know where I went wrong. I am excellent at the potty thing, if I do say so myself, so you'd think I could pass on my well-honed skills to my offspring. It should be simple, right? No, sadly, it is not simple.

Maybe I started too late with her. Let's face it. I'm lazy - I can admit that. I was perfectly happy changing her diapers, because there is less FWIF involved with changing a diaper than having my toddler sitting on public toilets - I shuddered at the thought.

She is a whiz (pun intended) at tinkling, as it is known in our house. (Yes, tinkle. What would you call it? It's cute and child-like. I like it.) She got this concept right away, and has had only a handful of accidents in this regard.

Our problem is poop. I hate poop. Everywhere I turn I'm cleaning it up. My house smells of it. My little girl smells of it. One night I kissed her little angel face good night and I swear I smelled poop on her breath. It's that bad.

My poor dear little darling is anal retentive - literally. She has troubles with regularity, so that takes this very difficult task to a whole other level for her. I really feel for her. I've been there, too, and I "feel her pain". Also knowing what I went through as a kid frightens the hell out of me - I'm afraid of what's to come for the two of us on this magical journey.

We've done the whole "this is what big kids do" bit. Lots of positive reinforcement. We stuck with that for a long time, because this was the beginning for us, when our patience was high - right up there with our hopes and expectations. We said a lot of things like "Aaahhh Sweetie, it's okay that you had an accident. You'll do better next time!" We finally decided this wasn't going to work when she would come to us and say "I need to be cleaned up. It's okay I had an accident!"

I resisted but finally turned to rewards. Tootsie rolls were our reward of choice, and looking back on it now, aptly so. (Come on, you can't see the humor in offering tootsie rolls as a reward for pooping?) This really didn't work. There were a few times when cleaning her up we'd set her on the potty and the "product" that she had "produced" in her pants had stuck to her cute little bottom and then fallen off in the toilet. She was ecstatic! "I went poopy on the potty!!!" she would scream, and what is a parent to do? We couldn't burst her bubble. We were consistent with the rewards, and trudged along. More positive reinforcement.... more trudging.

We then decided that we were pushing too hard, so backed off a little bit. "Here Baby, if you need to poopy and don't want to go on the potty, you may use a Pull-up." We thought she would do it on her own when she was ready. This didn't work either. She apparently inherited her mother's laziness, because she just decided that since she could tinkle in the pull-up and not make a mess, this was far better than interrupting her playtime for potty time. Scratch that.

I'll spare you the rest of the details. Sadly, we are now at full-blown bribery. I have little toys - toys that I know she covets - locked behind glass at her eye level. "Look what you can have if you go big poopy on the potty!" (We now have to specify "big" to avoid the problem I mentioned earlier) She was very excited about this prospect, and immediately spent an hour sitting on the potty with no luck. She has earned herself a little Care Bear, but doesn't seem in a hurry for the other toys. I have even heard myself say "Ella-bear, don't you think that other Care Bear is lonely in there? I bet he would love to come out and play with you!" Someone please just slap me!

I'd love to tell you some kind of end to this torturous story, but THERE ISN'T ONE! I have nearly given up. I'm doomed to clean up poop. My son will be potty trained before she is. If she is never potty trained she will never go to school! What am I going to do? (The irony here is that when she was a baby I toyed with the idea of home schooling, which hubby is adamantly against. Now here we face the possibility of being forced into it, because what 5th grade teacher can stop her class because my daughter needs to be cleaned up?)

All I can say is that Little Man better be easy after all of this! Excuse me now while I go Febreze my entire home.

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10 Comments:

oh no the potty traing ... i remember that but the thing i can say is be patient and she will get it down ... visit sweetrosie.com :)

By Anonymous, at 11:03 PM

I'm right where you are with no answers. My daughter is going to be 4 in less than 10 days and she's still not potty-trained. She was fine for a few months, but then it became a power struggle, and--you know the rest. I've been reading in _Positive Discipline for Preschoolers_ that in one way or another many, many parents are still dealing with potty issues after their kids are nominally "trained". And it's one area you just can't rush. But still, with her brother coming up on two and a half--shouldn't one of them be out of diapers/pull ups by now?

By MysticSavage, at 12:55 AM

damn you got me spooked im bout to start my daughter to potty...oh i dred the day

By uway, at 4:17 AM

Hi there from another Wyoming Mom!
My boys are almost 7 & 10 now. I remember those days well! Poop was the hardest! The cleaning up part... the worst!

My boys were about 3 1/2 before they got the poop thing under control.

But...she'll get there! I promise! Especially if her little brother is doing poop in the potty before her!

Hang in there!

from another mommy blogger at http://www.mommyshome.blogspot.com

By Toni, at 6:11 AM

Oh, man. With a baby on the way, I knew I had to baby-proof the house, but I didn't even think about poo-proofing it.

By fbomb, at 12:48 PM

Ahhhh....the potty. We're doing that in my house. I have a shelf full of toys waiting as bribes. The boy just looks at his toys and says "some day."

By Sandy, at 7:11 PM

I could tell you the way we took care of potty training but it would get too many folks mad at me. I can tell you that no child was hurt, no hitting took place but both my daughters were potty trained in less than a week. Worked for all my friends too.

By Anonymous, at 10:30 PM

Don't feel bad, it can take longer for some than others. My son was over 4 (I was beginning to think he would be wearing pull ups to the prom) before he decided one day that he wanted to poop in the potty and stopped having accidents, except for a brief problem from severe constipation when he was 6 that was it. Eventually she will get it. (BTW, my son is now 11)
Holly

By Anonymous, at 11:24 AM

Guess I was lucky. My kid was potty trained in one day, last summer when she was 3. I told her I wasn't getting out of bed unless she used the potty and wore underwear. It worked. We had a couple of minor pee accidents that first day but other than that, it was smooth sailing. She refused to use the toddler potty chair and always wanted to use the grown-up potty.

By cass, at 1:19 PM

I actually came across this page because, full disclosure, my mother never potty trained me. She sent me off to daycare in pull-ups at age 4; when I saw the other kids doing their thing, I just started doing it, too. I'm graduating from an Ivy League university in May after working full-time for a few years as an office manager in a medical office (the youngest office manager my boss has ever had), and am in a stable, healthy, non-abusive relationship. I actually google'd "never potty trained" to see if this was a major anomaly in my life that could cause serious psychological damage down the road. Don't worry. You'll figure something out, and you're daughter will be fine. I think that Care Bear idea is brilliant, actually-- having no experience of my own, I will need something to run off of when I procreate and come to the PT stage.

By Anonymous, at 4:51 PM

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