You know, I've been thinking about this parenting gig that I've gotten myself into, and while you know how much I love my children, and I wouldn't choose anything else to do with my life, I feel a little ripped off. If any of you have the number for the complaint department would you send it to me please, because I'm wondering if I call perhaps I can get some sort of partial refund, or maybe a coupon or something.
Here's my problem. I have this very idealistic view of what kind of mother I want to be. It's a very Martha Stewart vision, where I have infinite patience and creativity. I linger casually in the kitchen baking healthy goodies for my family, and of course some to share with the rest of the neighborhood as well. My kids sit at the kitchen table having an unbelievable amount of fun doing educational workbook pages, or very neatly painting masterpieces, with no fears of messy clothes or furniture or walls. My daughter would come to me with an excellent question such as "Mommy, what are loons?", and we would spend the next hour (because I wasn't busy doing 10 other things) searching the internet learning all related facts, or perhaps an impromptu trip to the library, or what the heck - the nearest wildlife refuge housing loons for some hands-on learning. I would do involved art projects with them with no disagreements or mishaps. I'd spend hours in the sandbox with them building sand castles, and loving it. I would enjoy every moment of being a parent.
In reality, I don't enjoy it most of the time. Oh I enjoy the bigger picture of being a mother, but the day-to-day dinners and baths and making forts out of my furniture - I cringe really at the thought of it all. I live most of the time for bedtime, when I can smile sweetly at their peaceful faces and let the rest of the day melt into the back of my memory, and I can reflect on how amazing and wonderful they are.
In reality my day is spent trying to avoid fights, and messes, and anything that is going to take more time from my already pathetically busy schedule. (I say pathetically busy because for a person who has no job other than keeping up with a 6 year old and a 3 year old, who the hell knew it would take some much time and planning!) I'm tired all of the time. Seriously. I have no energy for playing a board game with them or taking them out for a bike ride and actually enjoying it! In reality I sat down last night after a very stressful day to work on a puzzle with Gabriella, and after a few minutes of being reprimanded for "doing it wrong" and hearing a lot of "No don't do that Mommy" and "No I want to do that Mommy!" I gave up, because it was too much work to have fun.
Maybe it's just me and my uptightness? I'd like to turn in my referee hat, and my maid hat, and wear something a bit more pretty and fashionable.
They do make a pretty, fashionable parenting hat, correct? Can I get one at Amazon - does anyone know?
