Monday, January 31, 2005

Silent Lucidity

"Hush now don't you cry. Wipe away the tear drop from your eye..."

She stands in the parking lot, right on main street for all the small town to see her. She's there with a friend. She's sixteen, and silly, and so new to matters of the heart.

"You're lying safe in bed. It was all about dreams spinning in your head..."

Her high school is having a dance here under the stars, in celebration of graduation. He had graduated that day, and asked her to stop by the dance - he would be there. She was unsure. Their short past had been... put on hold? She wasn't sure. Not sure of how she felt about him, or how he felt about her. All she knew was that she had taken some space to clear her head, and he had taken it the wrong way. They were friends now.

"Your mind tricked you to feel the pain, of someone close to you leaving the game.... of life..."

She had been told mere hours earlier that her father was transferred and they would be moving before fall. She was leaving everything soon. Her heart was broken.

"So here it is, another chance. Wide awake you face the day, your dream is over. Or has it just begun?..."

Now she's standing on the pavement, searching the crowd. Exposed. She didn't want to be here, but she wanted to see him. Her friend runs off with a former boyfriend to have one last dance. She's all alone now. It's dark, save for the street lights and the stars. The song is familiar, and drowns out everything around her.

"There's a place I like to hide - a doorway that I run through in the night. Relax child you were there, but only didn't realize, and you were scared..."

Most everyone is starting to leave for other destinations. She sees him across the parking lot, helping a girl into his car. He shuts the door for her, and then crosses over to the girl who is standing alone, and wishing she wasn't there.

"It's a place where you will learn to face your fears, retrace the years, and ride the wings of your mind..."

What was said between them is blurry now. Hi, nice to see you, etc., etc. "See you later" he says, and gives her a smile before turning back to his car, and the other girl waiting for him. She doesn't know where they are going next, and yet she does, and pretends not to care. She is alone again - just her, and this song. Her eyes turn to the stars.

"Commanding in another world, suddenly you hear and see this magic new dimension..."

The stars are always crisp and clear here - the best thing this small mountain town has going for it. She stares at them, but doesn't see them. She pretends she's not standing alone in a parking lot waiting for this last song to play out so she and her friend can leave. She thinks about moving, changing schools, changing friends. She thinks about him, and wonders what would have been if she had handled things differently. She wonders what will be now.

"I will be watching over you..."

She and her friend get back into their car. The song still echoes in her soul. Something about her is different now. That song will never sound the same to her. She starts the car and glances at the clock. 12:34.

"I am gonna help you see it through..."

"Wish minute!" her friend says. "Make a wish!" The girl closes her eyes, and without even realizing that she wanted it, she wishes for some kind of a future with him. For a second chance. She's almost surprised by what her heart has spoken to her when she opens her eyes, pulls out of the parking lot, and drives away, sorry she had ever gone to that dance.

"I will protect you in the night..."

She has no clue at that moment what the upcoming summer, and years beyond it, hold for her. Romance and first love, separation, hurt feelings and heartbreak, first times, and then... on the horizon, a promise, and a life - with him.

"I'm smiling next to you, in Silent Lucidity."
Name: Christine
Location: Wyoming, United States
I'm the Mom of two. They drive me crazy. I love them dearly. I want one more. I'm not insane, yet. My hubby says I'm a snob with an inferiority complex. There is more to me than being a mother. I just don't remember any of it.

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