Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I'll just start saving for her therapy now

I feel like a failure as a mother. I always pictured myself as this uber-mom. Homecooked meals and crafty projects and nature walks and kid-friendly trips about town for fun and education. This is who I would love to be...

In reality I am in the midst of an small identity "crisis" and postpartum depression. I have lost interest in pretty much everything. Some mornings the thought of having to get up, shower, get dressed, and then dress the kids and find them something healthy to eat is overwhelming to me. And then I have to feed them again at lunch! It never ends!

I see myself in Gabriella's misbehaviors. Her misbehaviors seem to happen much more frequently lately. I know this is my fault. I don't know how to correct it. When it was just her and I at home all day (before the PPD) I was so patient with her - perhaps too patient at times. Now I have very little. I'm really trying hard, but sometimes I just don't know how to handle her. How can and handle her when I can't handle myself?

Name: Christine
Location: Wyoming, United States
I'm the Mom of two. They drive me crazy. I love them dearly. I want one more. I'm not insane, yet. My hubby says I'm a snob with an inferiority complex. There is more to me than being a mother. I just don't remember any of it.

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