Friday, November 19, 2004

The Mean, Ugly Mommy-beast vs. the Drama Queen

The tiny Little Man spies the open door. Ahhh - a mysterious room he is not allowed to venture into alone. His eyes are wide as he toddles cautiously to the doorway. No parents in sight. It appears they forgot to shut this particular door during their morning routine. Oh they are so mean, never nurturing Little Man's curiosity by letting him explore this room. He looks down the hall to be sure they are still safely on the other side of the baby gate, and then darts in.

Where shall he explore first? There are always fun things on the table on the far side of the bed, so he heads that direction first, but gets distracted by a pair of shiny black shoes that didn't get put away. He stops to awkwardly slide his small foot into the giant-sized shoe. He smiles to himself and takes two steps before the enormous shoe falls off. Unaffected, he continues his journey.

When he arrives at the table he first sees a small green contraption with wires coming out of it. Fascinating indeed, but just as he gets his little fingers around it he spies a pair of eyeglasses. The green thing is tossed aside, and the glasses immediately go on - upside down.

That is when he hears it. The thunderous STOMP STOMP STOMP of the parent-beasts. They are coming to punish him with banishment! He will be tortured all day long with face-washing and diaper-changing and naps! Oh they are horrible! As the steps get closer he knows he has been discovered. The glasses are catapulted onto the bed, and he puts on his best smile in preparation for battle.

There is the Mommy-beast in the doorway, smiling that fake, knowing smile of hers. "Little Man, what have you been doing in here?" How quick she is to place the blame on him, oblivious of the fact that it was she who left the door open. She walks toward him, arms outstretched to seize the boy and begin the torture. He is trapped! What will he do?

It's too late to escape. His last chance is to endear himself to the beast and hope for sympathy. In a last-ditch effort, he flings himself upon the floor and wails his most pathetic-sounding wail. He curls up face down, his legs tucked under him and his little bottom in the air. His arms lay spread out on the floor, his head buried in the carpet. He is working it for all it's worth. Certainly she can be no match for such a sad little boy. She will be forced by his cuteness to take pity on him.

The evil monster is unmoved. In fact, she giggles at his performance as she scoops him up and lays his head on her shoulder. How could this be? That was oscar-worthy stuff, and not only does she laugh in his face, but then picks him up and pretends to love and care for him! Is there no end to her devilish ways?

She removes the tiny boy from the room and shuts the door. She then sets him down on the floor, and with a patronizing "No no, Little Man", goes back to relay the story to the Daddy-beast. Little Man is left alone in the hallway, his feelings hurt that he was once again unable to win at battle. He cries, and this time real tears stream down his soft baby cheeks. He toddles to the gate and reaches up to the Mommy-beast. She picks him up, wipes the tears away, and kisses him. He smiles and wraps his tiny arms around her neck. The battle was lost, and now also forgotten.
Name: Christine
Location: Wyoming, United States
I'm the Mom of two. They drive me crazy. I love them dearly. I want one more. I'm not insane, yet. My hubby says I'm a snob with an inferiority complex. There is more to me than being a mother. I just don't remember any of it.

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